Week 17 - A Whole New World

Wait, so does this blog mean I volunteered my body while I was still alive? Is this because of the potential of a nuclear world war starting on January 20 and we're trying to preserve the human race? I'm just confused because I didn't think even Taylor Hofstatter, who loves science more than ANYONE, would just volunteer their body to science for fun. Anyway, for whatever reason I did it, my body was preserved and I woke up 1,000 years from now. The craziest part of the future, as I soon discover, is how many of this year's juniors are still alive! It's a good thing we did that zombie apocalypse survival unit when I had them as 8th graders! So, I woke up in the cryogenics department of my classroom (the mysterious maroon contraption in the corner by my desk), feeling more rested than I had since I was in kindergarten. I climbed out to see the smiling face of Dr. Jason Henry. He informed me that the world had been decimated for hundreds of years by a zombie virus released by the evil Timothy Lundell, but my original 8th grade class had nearly all survived thanks to Jason's quick distribution of his world famous book: "Double Tap: How To Survive Whatever Killer Virus Timothy Will Unleash in the Future." The only one to die from that class was Timothy himself, who was heroically assassinated by Madison's long range bow an Darrow from 50 miles away. I asked Jason who the current president was, and Jason laughed and told me Evan Johnson had taken over not just as president, but as king of the whole world. Jason snapped his fingers & a newspaper article came up on a hologram right in front of me, with the headline: "MIRACLE: After 1 day, new King of the World has entire human race treating each other nicely and with basic human decency!" Jason then informed me that King Johnson was expecting a phone call from me as soon as I woke up. He told me I had a cell phone chip installed in my ear & I just had to think "call Evan Johnson" to communicate with him. So, I called Evan, and he informed me he wanted me to be the new lead adviser in his next 100 year term as King. I of course had to accept this offer, and Evan told me he had paid Dr. Henry to actually turn me into the Wizard of Fahs, so I could apparate to his secret castle immediately. As soon as I arrived at what looked mysteriously like Bowser's castle from Super Mario and opened the door, I was greeted with a loud "Suprise!!!" On the wall hung a banner that read "Welcome, Wizard of Fahs, New Lead Adviser to King Johnson," and all of my favorite original 8th graders were there (except Timothy of course). I greeted them all happily and was excited to hear what had been happening in their lives for the past 1,000 years. Evan had 2 princesses, Princesses Rebman and Cook, helping him run the world. Princess Rebman informed me she still wouldn't be friends with me, and Princess Cook informed me she had 1,000 years worth of delicious DQ blizzards waiting in the freezer for me. Evan Grice was the secretary of Education, and he taught his famous curriculum, "Advice with Grice," to students of all ages that needed help with pickup lines for that special someone. Finally, Becca was at the party, but in a jail in the corner. King Johnson had locked her up 999 years ago for vicious comments and slander against Mr. Fahs and his fashion choices. Thank you King Johnson for making the world actually great again.