Top Ten Reasons Swesse Is King

I really feel bad for the girls in this year's senior class. I mean, there sure are some lame boys in their class - it must be really tough when it comes to finding homecoming and prom dates! Sure, it'd be ez to settle for any boy that's just a stone's throw away, but who wants to go to a dance with a Kanye fan like Ethan or a slowpoke like Stone? #keepreadingthishashtagandyoulleventuallyrealizeimjustsayingtreyislame Despite these slim pickens of boys, there is good news for the senior ladies this year! Jesse Swanson. If you didn't hear the news, there was an Anchorman style fight today in the cafeteria at school between my 2nd favorite sister Amber (sorry, Emily is still #1), Miranda, Jordan, and Gwen over who would get to take Jesse to homecoming in January. However, when Jesse came in and saw these four's sad attempt at fighting, he put an end to the nonsense. Jesse said, "Girls, I can't go to homecoming with any of you. You're all too mean to my favorite teacher Mr. Fahs, and I'm going with my bromance Stone anyway." The four girls were crushed. Wondering why everyone is fighting over Jesse? Here's the top ten reasons everyone wants to take Jesse Swanson to homecoming: 10) He is soon legally changing his name to Swesse - for Swole Jesse - do I even need the rest of the list? 9) He can kill a deer from 314 miles away with a bow an Darrow. 8) He has inside jokes with people he's never even met before. 7) He doesn't like Kanye. 6) He breaks Ethan's and Stone's ankles more often than the Packers break the Bears' hearts. 5) He's the early leader for Mr. Senior Basketball - and he doesn't even play basketball (yet). 4) When he pokes you on Facebook, you actually feel it. 3) Most people try to "kill two birds with one stone," but he can kill 9 birds with one stone (darrow). 2) His blogs are my favorite, and I never even read them. And the number 1 reason why everyone wants to take Jesse Swanson to homecoming: He gives back to the community by graciously accepting $1,000 a week from Ethan and Stone's moms to pretend to be friends with Ethan and Stone. #givingback #communityservice #whataguy #volunteer #astribute #swesseislife

Home....grown!

Oh shoot, my name is Ethan Zulz, blogs are due this weekend, and I have only done one of them! I'm going to fail!!! Just kidding, I've already graduated high school, so I'll blog when I want (about as often as Kanye comes out with a good song). I've had three homes: LaMoille, Quad Cities, & Washburn. Fortunately, unlike Ms. Hudson, none have them have a smog problem, so I actually have two very healthy lungs! Since you guys already know what Washburn is like, I'll tell you about LaMoille, since I still consider that home, along with Washburn. The day I interviewed to teach here, I called Washburn "LaMoille South" because it had so many similarities to my hometown. Obviously the size of the two towns was similar, but there were so many similarities between the students here and the students I remember from high school that I was like, "is this real life?" First off, we had the kid who denied liking country music like everyone else, but secretly had a hillbilly bone down deep inside. His name was Ethen Zultz, and he was also a star basketball player. Next, we had the token "I think I'm fast, wear all kinds of athletic apparel, try to play sports, but really I'm not faster than a single member of Class Reptilia" kid. His name was Rock Barrow, but he was surprisingly good at shooting bow an darrows. Finally, we had the girl with the best nickname, Maranduh "Ozzy" Osbourne, who actually looked JUST like Ozzy. Despite that issue, she was actually better at basketball than Ethen and Rock COMBINED! That is just a few of the similarities between my old and new homes, but the Cubs are about to start, so I can't go into detail on the rest. But rest assured, we also had the school bully, Jorden Chee, who shoved all the freshman into lockers and the smartest girl in the school, Gwendolyn Welch, who was only smart because she did nothing but study science into the wee hours of the night. Hope you all enjoyed learning about some of the people I went to high school with! P.S. I almost forgot we had a twin named Sammy Klayton, who we all were pretty sure was a triplet, but ate the third baby in the womb!

I missed the seniors so much I cried every day this summer

Before I get into answering these smoggy questions, I just wanted to say how much I missed all you seniors (except Miranda...who would miss a scalawag like that honestly?). I am so glad to be back at school, since I have two awesome junior high classes....especially the 8th graders who are going to win the class games for four straight years starting next year. So, if this year's freshman, sophomores, and juniors are counting, that means Hudson, Devlin, and I will sponsor the class games winners for 5 straight years, with the seniors win this year already in the bag! My most challenging class to teach will be basketballology 101, since we have two seniors this year who think the #ballislife attitude is as EZ as shooting a bow an darrow, yet neither is as good at basketball (or life) as their younger siblings! I won't bore you all here with the endless tales of Madison's victories over Stone in all athletic endeavors, or the countless anecdotes of Levi running circles around Ethan on the basketball court AND in the classroom. My easiest class to teach will be hashtagging 203, since I am the best long hashtagger that's never even had a twitter account. #reallife #jakeowen #keepreadingthishashtagandyoulleventuallyrealizeimjustsayingthattreyislame I'm most looking forward to teaching junior high basketballology 101, as the junior high girls on defense are like propane & in the opponents' grillz alllll day, hopefully Stone & Ethan come to some of their games and take notes. My goal this year is to blog once a month, and I'm looking forward to the comments on this blog post! Fahs P.S. Forgot two hashtags: #jordanstinks #swesserules

Junior Class Rulz

As usual, I'm going to put my own individual twist on this week's blog prompt. So, here are my winners for the "Junior Class Honors of the 2014-2015 School Year": Most Interesting Part of the Junior Class: Ethan Zulz. I mean how cool is it that Ethan has such an awesome, intelligent, kind-hearted, athletic little brother like Levi?! Even though Ethan himself is not very interesting, the fact that he is siblings with Levi makes up for it. Levi exudes so much interestingness and awesomeness that Ethan is bound to have some in his hair on his clothes, etc. Least Favorite Part of the Junior Class: Stone Bow an Darrow. I mean, how can you have such an awesome nickname, yet be so gosh darn slow. As his basketball coach, it has to be my least favorite part of your class. Hopefully he does some speed drills this summer or SOMETHING. Hardest I Laughed in the Junior Class: This is a tie. Every time I look at Kent Egner's face, it makes me laugh so hard I literally almost urinate in mis pantalones. Favorite Memory from the Junior Class: I'm actually going to be for real on this one. (Oh, wait all that other stuff was real). My favorite memory of the junior class has been coaching Ethan and Stone for the past two years. They are absolutely fantastic leaders on our basketball team, and I can't wait to see what we get out of them as seniors. Best Thing About the Junior Class: How much better they are than the seniors. It was so nice of them to allow the sophomores and seniors to beat them in the class games this year. I can't wait to rock those games next year (assuming Miranda doesn't participate in anything of course). Things the Junior Class can do better as seniors: Wait on Mr. Fahs hand and foot. I'm talking about carrying me around the school anywhere I need to go, one of them always feeding me grapes, washing my car every day, and recruiting new members for #teamfahs. Any Final Comments for the junior class: I'm so happy to have you all as members of #teamfahs (except Jordan, she will NEVER be allowed on the team). I'll miss you all terribly this summer. Sincerely, The Wizard of Fahs/Mufahsa/Fahsphorus/#teamfahs president