Top Ten Reasons Swesse Is King

I really feel bad for the girls in this year's senior class. I mean, there sure are some lame boys in their class - it must be really tough when it comes to finding homecoming and prom dates! Sure, it'd be ez to settle for any boy that's just a stone's throw away, but who wants to go to a dance with a Kanye fan like Ethan or a slowpoke like Stone? #keepreadingthishashtagandyoulleventuallyrealizeimjustsayingtreyislame Despite these slim pickens of boys, there is good news for the senior ladies this year! Jesse Swanson. If you didn't hear the news, there was an Anchorman style fight today in the cafeteria at school between my 2nd favorite sister Amber (sorry, Emily is still #1), Miranda, Jordan, and Gwen over who would get to take Jesse to homecoming in January. However, when Jesse came in and saw these four's sad attempt at fighting, he put an end to the nonsense. Jesse said, "Girls, I can't go to homecoming with any of you. You're all too mean to my favorite teacher Mr. Fahs, and I'm going with my bromance Stone anyway." The four girls were crushed. Wondering why everyone is fighting over Jesse? Here's the top ten reasons everyone wants to take Jesse Swanson to homecoming: 10) He is soon legally changing his name to Swesse - for Swole Jesse - do I even need the rest of the list? 9) He can kill a deer from 314 miles away with a bow an Darrow. 8) He has inside jokes with people he's never even met before. 7) He doesn't like Kanye. 6) He breaks Ethan's and Stone's ankles more often than the Packers break the Bears' hearts. 5) He's the early leader for Mr. Senior Basketball - and he doesn't even play basketball (yet). 4) When he pokes you on Facebook, you actually feel it. 3) Most people try to "kill two birds with one stone," but he can kill 9 birds with one stone (darrow). 2) His blogs are my favorite, and I never even read them. And the number 1 reason why everyone wants to take Jesse Swanson to homecoming: He gives back to the community by graciously accepting $1,000 a week from Ethan and Stone's moms to pretend to be friends with Ethan and Stone. #givingback #communityservice #whataguy #volunteer #astribute #swesseislife