Top Ten Reasons Swesse Is King

I really feel bad for the girls in this year's senior class. I mean, there sure are some lame boys in their class - it must be really tough when it comes to finding homecoming and prom dates! Sure, it'd be ez to settle for any boy that's just a stone's throw away, but who wants to go to a dance with a Kanye fan like Ethan or a slowpoke like Stone? #keepreadingthishashtagandyoulleventuallyrealizeimjustsayingtreyislame Despite these slim pickens of boys, there is good news for the senior ladies this year! Jesse Swanson. If you didn't hear the news, there was an Anchorman style fight today in the cafeteria at school between my 2nd favorite sister Amber (sorry, Emily is still #1), Miranda, Jordan, and Gwen over who would get to take Jesse to homecoming in January. However, when Jesse came in and saw these four's sad attempt at fighting, he put an end to the nonsense. Jesse said, "Girls, I can't go to homecoming with any of you. You're all too mean to my favorite teacher Mr. Fahs, and I'm going with my bromance Stone anyway." The four girls were crushed. Wondering why everyone is fighting over Jesse? Here's the top ten reasons everyone wants to take Jesse Swanson to homecoming: 10) He is soon legally changing his name to Swesse - for Swole Jesse - do I even need the rest of the list? 9) He can kill a deer from 314 miles away with a bow an Darrow. 8) He has inside jokes with people he's never even met before. 7) He doesn't like Kanye. 6) He breaks Ethan's and Stone's ankles more often than the Packers break the Bears' hearts. 5) He's the early leader for Mr. Senior Basketball - and he doesn't even play basketball (yet). 4) When he pokes you on Facebook, you actually feel it. 3) Most people try to "kill two birds with one stone," but he can kill 9 birds with one stone (darrow). 2) His blogs are my favorite, and I never even read them. And the number 1 reason why everyone wants to take Jesse Swanson to homecoming: He gives back to the community by graciously accepting $1,000 a week from Ethan and Stone's moms to pretend to be friends with Ethan and Stone. #givingback #communityservice #whataguy #volunteer #astribute #swesseislife

Home....grown!

Oh shoot, my name is Ethan Zulz, blogs are due this weekend, and I have only done one of them! I'm going to fail!!! Just kidding, I've already graduated high school, so I'll blog when I want (about as often as Kanye comes out with a good song). I've had three homes: LaMoille, Quad Cities, & Washburn. Fortunately, unlike Ms. Hudson, none have them have a smog problem, so I actually have two very healthy lungs! Since you guys already know what Washburn is like, I'll tell you about LaMoille, since I still consider that home, along with Washburn. The day I interviewed to teach here, I called Washburn "LaMoille South" because it had so many similarities to my hometown. Obviously the size of the two towns was similar, but there were so many similarities between the students here and the students I remember from high school that I was like, "is this real life?" First off, we had the kid who denied liking country music like everyone else, but secretly had a hillbilly bone down deep inside. His name was Ethen Zultz, and he was also a star basketball player. Next, we had the token "I think I'm fast, wear all kinds of athletic apparel, try to play sports, but really I'm not faster than a single member of Class Reptilia" kid. His name was Rock Barrow, but he was surprisingly good at shooting bow an darrows. Finally, we had the girl with the best nickname, Maranduh "Ozzy" Osbourne, who actually looked JUST like Ozzy. Despite that issue, she was actually better at basketball than Ethen and Rock COMBINED! That is just a few of the similarities between my old and new homes, but the Cubs are about to start, so I can't go into detail on the rest. But rest assured, we also had the school bully, Jorden Chee, who shoved all the freshman into lockers and the smartest girl in the school, Gwendolyn Welch, who was only smart because she did nothing but study science into the wee hours of the night. Hope you all enjoyed learning about some of the people I went to high school with! P.S. I almost forgot we had a twin named Sammy Klayton, who we all were pretty sure was a triplet, but ate the third baby in the womb!