Our students already look like zombies every morning!

First off, we can all be thankful the zombies took out the Chicagoland area. Maybe starting fresh, more country music, and a few thousand years of clean air will eliminate all that smog. When the zombies do make it to Washburn, there are a few standard steps I will immediately take. First, Hudson will be kicked out of the school right away, as she is obviously already a zombie just scouting our school in advance of zombieland. Second, we keep Miranda hidden inside, as she would obviously be too scared to fight zombies. Third, I begin training the rest of the junior class (the most superior of our high school classes) on zombie warfare. We obviously start with the basic rules: cardio, always check the backseat, double tap, be a hero, etc. Then, we begin training on proper use of my invention, the bow and Darrow, which is the only surefire way to kill a zombie. Well, we train everyone except Trey, as we've all seen his "aim" throwing a baseball. Surviving Zombieland will be EZ.

The Epic Life of Mufahsa

Ok, first off, this blog prompt is irrational because what kind of fool would go to Chicago or any of its suburbs and subject their lungs to all that smog? But, let's say I was kidnapped and had to escape through this old bookstore when I stumbled across my book. I don't know about you youngbloods, but since I can predict the future I would obviously have no problem reading my life story. Wanna know how it goes? Well, first I teach at L-W for the next 100 years and help our sports teams win 133 state championships. Second, I invent the bow and darrow for the U.S. military, where you literally launch people with the last name Darrow at your enemies, and I become filthy rich. Finally, I continue dating, eventually marry, and live happily ever after with Carrie Underwood-Fahs. Doesn't that sound better than that lame life story of the Newbie T-Swizzle just taking naps her whole life?

Teenage Myths from the childhood of the Wizard

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago (8 years ago), I was a youngblood teenager just like you all are now. Can you believe that? Of course, I knew it all (nothing has changed), and I was a perfect angel as a junior in high school....so the complete opposite of Miranda. Despite my exemplary (#bigwords) behavior, Mama and Papa Fahs seemed to think if they ever didn't know where I was for one second, I would probably be thrown in jail for something (insert Ray Rice reference here). We're talking like 7:00 curfews. Those old folks bought into the myth that as a teenager, it would be EZ for me to just go around shooting my bow and darrows. Seriously though, I wish Mythbusters would've come in and said, "Listen Mama & Papa Fahs, your kid is an angel. Just look at him." Too bad Noah isn't the same age as me because then they could've compared me, an angel, to a picture of Noah, a hooligan, and told those old fools not to believe all the myths. On the bright side, despite my gullible parents, I obviously turned out pretty awesome, and at least I never lost a one on one basketball game to one of my coaches, despite how EZ that is for other people to do. #howembarrassingwouldthatbe #youthinkmichaeleverlosttohiscoach