I missed the seniors so much I cried every day this summer

Before I get into answering these smoggy questions, I just wanted to say how much I missed all you seniors (except Miranda...who would miss a scalawag like that honestly?). I am so glad to be back at school, since I have two awesome junior high classes....especially the 8th graders who are going to win the class games for four straight years starting next year. So, if this year's freshman, sophomores, and juniors are counting, that means Hudson, Devlin, and I will sponsor the class games winners for 5 straight years, with the seniors win this year already in the bag! My most challenging class to teach will be basketballology 101, since we have two seniors this year who think the #ballislife attitude is as EZ as shooting a bow an darrow, yet neither is as good at basketball (or life) as their younger siblings! I won't bore you all here with the endless tales of Madison's victories over Stone in all athletic endeavors, or the countless anecdotes of Levi running circles around Ethan on the basketball court AND in the classroom. My easiest class to teach will be hashtagging 203, since I am the best long hashtagger that's never even had a twitter account. #reallife #jakeowen #keepreadingthishashtagandyoulleventuallyrealizeimjustsayingthattreyislame I'm most looking forward to teaching junior high basketballology 101, as the junior high girls on defense are like propane & in the opponents' grillz alllll day, hopefully Stone & Ethan come to some of their games and take notes. My goal this year is to blog once a month, and I'm looking forward to the comments on this blog post! Fahs P.S. Forgot two hashtags: #jordanstinks #swesserules

Junior Class Rulz

As usual, I'm going to put my own individual twist on this week's blog prompt. So, here are my winners for the "Junior Class Honors of the 2014-2015 School Year": Most Interesting Part of the Junior Class: Ethan Zulz. I mean how cool is it that Ethan has such an awesome, intelligent, kind-hearted, athletic little brother like Levi?! Even though Ethan himself is not very interesting, the fact that he is siblings with Levi makes up for it. Levi exudes so much interestingness and awesomeness that Ethan is bound to have some in his hair on his clothes, etc. Least Favorite Part of the Junior Class: Stone Bow an Darrow. I mean, how can you have such an awesome nickname, yet be so gosh darn slow. As his basketball coach, it has to be my least favorite part of your class. Hopefully he does some speed drills this summer or SOMETHING. Hardest I Laughed in the Junior Class: This is a tie. Every time I look at Kent Egner's face, it makes me laugh so hard I literally almost urinate in mis pantalones. Favorite Memory from the Junior Class: I'm actually going to be for real on this one. (Oh, wait all that other stuff was real). My favorite memory of the junior class has been coaching Ethan and Stone for the past two years. They are absolutely fantastic leaders on our basketball team, and I can't wait to see what we get out of them as seniors. Best Thing About the Junior Class: How much better they are than the seniors. It was so nice of them to allow the sophomores and seniors to beat them in the class games this year. I can't wait to rock those games next year (assuming Miranda doesn't participate in anything of course). Things the Junior Class can do better as seniors: Wait on Mr. Fahs hand and foot. I'm talking about carrying me around the school anywhere I need to go, one of them always feeding me grapes, washing my car every day, and recruiting new members for #teamfahs. Any Final Comments for the junior class: I'm so happy to have you all as members of #teamfahs (except Jordan, she will NEVER be allowed on the team). I'll miss you all terribly this summer. Sincerely, The Wizard of Fahs/Mufahsa/Fahsphorus/#teamfahs president

Mr. Fahs was da bomb.com

Since y'all don't know any of my high school teachers, I'll let you know what all of the teachers around here were like in high school. The following is 100% factual information: First off, this Mr. Fahs. He was obviously the star of his high school. I'm talking about star of the basketball, baseball, and football teams, star student with straight A's, star of the school play, and star of everyone's heart. #stud But for realz, I played basketball and baseball for 4 years, football for 2 years, was valedictorian of my class (only got one B in all of high school), worked at a DQ and was the best ice cream maker in history. Devlin. She was clearly the star student to the point where she not only did all of her assignments, but she did them all a second time in Spanish! #muybien #latarea #megusta Alexander. They actually had to create a new grading scale for how good she was at math. It went F, D, C, B, A, Alexander. If you got an Alexander on an assignment you never got below a 500% on anything. (If you don't understand that, it's ok, 5 out of every 4 of my students don't understand math) Hudson. In 4 years of high school, she read every book. I mean every book ever published. She read War and Peace 42 times! (look it up if you don't know how long that book is) Davis. Wait did they even have schools way back then? I didn't think so. But he did win every caveman competition. He shot bow & darrows so accurately he took down woolly mammoths from 500 yards. He made it look EZ outrunning saber toothed tigers. Krohn. She was so cool in high school (as she still is), she made MIRANDA look lame! Like seriously if Miranda went to school with Krohn, Miranda would be like Stone here. #nogame Moral of the story: all your teachers were awesome in their high school/caveman days. Especially these 6. Be like us (or like Mike) and you'll change the world! #bestblogever

Our students already look like zombies every morning!

First off, we can all be thankful the zombies took out the Chicagoland area. Maybe starting fresh, more country music, and a few thousand years of clean air will eliminate all that smog. When the zombies do make it to Washburn, there are a few standard steps I will immediately take. First, Hudson will be kicked out of the school right away, as she is obviously already a zombie just scouting our school in advance of zombieland. Second, we keep Miranda hidden inside, as she would obviously be too scared to fight zombies. Third, I begin training the rest of the junior class (the most superior of our high school classes) on zombie warfare. We obviously start with the basic rules: cardio, always check the backseat, double tap, be a hero, etc. Then, we begin training on proper use of my invention, the bow and Darrow, which is the only surefire way to kill a zombie. Well, we train everyone except Trey, as we've all seen his "aim" throwing a baseball. Surviving Zombieland will be EZ.

The Epic Life of Mufahsa

Ok, first off, this blog prompt is irrational because what kind of fool would go to Chicago or any of its suburbs and subject their lungs to all that smog? But, let's say I was kidnapped and had to escape through this old bookstore when I stumbled across my book. I don't know about you youngbloods, but since I can predict the future I would obviously have no problem reading my life story. Wanna know how it goes? Well, first I teach at L-W for the next 100 years and help our sports teams win 133 state championships. Second, I invent the bow and darrow for the U.S. military, where you literally launch people with the last name Darrow at your enemies, and I become filthy rich. Finally, I continue dating, eventually marry, and live happily ever after with Carrie Underwood-Fahs. Doesn't that sound better than that lame life story of the Newbie T-Swizzle just taking naps her whole life?

Teenage Myths from the childhood of the Wizard

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago (8 years ago), I was a youngblood teenager just like you all are now. Can you believe that? Of course, I knew it all (nothing has changed), and I was a perfect angel as a junior in high school....so the complete opposite of Miranda. Despite my exemplary (#bigwords) behavior, Mama and Papa Fahs seemed to think if they ever didn't know where I was for one second, I would probably be thrown in jail for something (insert Ray Rice reference here). We're talking like 7:00 curfews. Those old folks bought into the myth that as a teenager, it would be EZ for me to just go around shooting my bow and darrows. Seriously though, I wish Mythbusters would've come in and said, "Listen Mama & Papa Fahs, your kid is an angel. Just look at him." Too bad Noah isn't the same age as me because then they could've compared me, an angel, to a picture of Noah, a hooligan, and told those old fools not to believe all the myths. On the bright side, despite my gullible parents, I obviously turned out pretty awesome, and at least I never lost a one on one basketball game to one of my coaches, despite how EZ that is for other people to do. #howembarrassingwouldthatbe #youthinkmichaeleverlosttohiscoach

School is EZ but STONE cold awesome!

Wassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssup Juniors?!

I'm going to try to blog at y'all every week this year, instead of the like three times I did last year. That means you all better be read to get called out this year, not just Ethan, Stone, Trey, & Osborn. Anyway, to get to Ms. My Lungs Are Full Of Smog Hudson's blog prompt, I am ecstatic to get back to school, although I could have used a few more weeks to get ready for the school year (play golf). From the teacher's perspective here, my most challenging class has been the 8th graders who love to talk - think about it, there are Teagan, Harrison, Bryce, & Lacie who have such bad influences for older siblings (cough, miranda gwen ina marie, cough). Easiest class has been the 7th graders, but look at their amazing older sibling influences - Jaylyn, Makynlee, Ethan (Miranda I give Chelsea credit for Robert being an angel). Geez, Hudson asks a lot in these; I'm looking forward to ALL my classes and have the goal for my students to learn like 2, maybe 3 things this year. FINALLY, I'm looking forward to some Wildcat/Bobcat sports all year long! Good luck Gwen, Miranda, Emily, Jaylyn, Jordan (?), and any other volleyball players on Thursday night!

THE Wizard of Fahs
#peaceout
#stillhashtaggingthisyear
#stillfeelintwentytwo

P.S. Don't challenge me to creative sentences in Hudson's vocab word things. You will lose. Ask stone, ethan, & trey. #kingoftreasurewords #canttouchthis