Mr. Fahs was da bomb.com

Since y'all don't know any of my high school teachers, I'll let you know what all of the teachers around here were like in high school. The following is 100% factual information: First off, this Mr. Fahs. He was obviously the star of his high school. I'm talking about star of the basketball, baseball, and football teams, star student with straight A's, star of the school play, and star of everyone's heart. #stud But for realz, I played basketball and baseball for 4 years, football for 2 years, was valedictorian of my class (only got one B in all of high school), worked at a DQ and was the best ice cream maker in history. Devlin. She was clearly the star student to the point where she not only did all of her assignments, but she did them all a second time in Spanish! #muybien #latarea #megusta Alexander. They actually had to create a new grading scale for how good she was at math. It went F, D, C, B, A, Alexander. If you got an Alexander on an assignment you never got below a 500% on anything. (If you don't understand that, it's ok, 5 out of every 4 of my students don't understand math) Hudson. In 4 years of high school, she read every book. I mean every book ever published. She read War and Peace 42 times! (look it up if you don't know how long that book is) Davis. Wait did they even have schools way back then? I didn't think so. But he did win every caveman competition. He shot bow & darrows so accurately he took down woolly mammoths from 500 yards. He made it look EZ outrunning saber toothed tigers. Krohn. She was so cool in high school (as she still is), she made MIRANDA look lame! Like seriously if Miranda went to school with Krohn, Miranda would be like Stone here. #nogame Moral of the story: all your teachers were awesome in their high school/caveman days. Especially these 6. Be like us (or like Mike) and you'll change the world! #bestblogever

Our students already look like zombies every morning!

First off, we can all be thankful the zombies took out the Chicagoland area. Maybe starting fresh, more country music, and a few thousand years of clean air will eliminate all that smog. When the zombies do make it to Washburn, there are a few standard steps I will immediately take. First, Hudson will be kicked out of the school right away, as she is obviously already a zombie just scouting our school in advance of zombieland. Second, we keep Miranda hidden inside, as she would obviously be too scared to fight zombies. Third, I begin training the rest of the junior class (the most superior of our high school classes) on zombie warfare. We obviously start with the basic rules: cardio, always check the backseat, double tap, be a hero, etc. Then, we begin training on proper use of my invention, the bow and Darrow, which is the only surefire way to kill a zombie. Well, we train everyone except Trey, as we've all seen his "aim" throwing a baseball. Surviving Zombieland will be EZ.

The Epic Life of Mufahsa

Ok, first off, this blog prompt is irrational because what kind of fool would go to Chicago or any of its suburbs and subject their lungs to all that smog? But, let's say I was kidnapped and had to escape through this old bookstore when I stumbled across my book. I don't know about you youngbloods, but since I can predict the future I would obviously have no problem reading my life story. Wanna know how it goes? Well, first I teach at L-W for the next 100 years and help our sports teams win 133 state championships. Second, I invent the bow and darrow for the U.S. military, where you literally launch people with the last name Darrow at your enemies, and I become filthy rich. Finally, I continue dating, eventually marry, and live happily ever after with Carrie Underwood-Fahs. Doesn't that sound better than that lame life story of the Newbie T-Swizzle just taking naps her whole life?

Teenage Myths from the childhood of the Wizard

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago (8 years ago), I was a youngblood teenager just like you all are now. Can you believe that? Of course, I knew it all (nothing has changed), and I was a perfect angel as a junior in high school....so the complete opposite of Miranda. Despite my exemplary (#bigwords) behavior, Mama and Papa Fahs seemed to think if they ever didn't know where I was for one second, I would probably be thrown in jail for something (insert Ray Rice reference here). We're talking like 7:00 curfews. Those old folks bought into the myth that as a teenager, it would be EZ for me to just go around shooting my bow and darrows. Seriously though, I wish Mythbusters would've come in and said, "Listen Mama & Papa Fahs, your kid is an angel. Just look at him." Too bad Noah isn't the same age as me because then they could've compared me, an angel, to a picture of Noah, a hooligan, and told those old fools not to believe all the myths. On the bright side, despite my gullible parents, I obviously turned out pretty awesome, and at least I never lost a one on one basketball game to one of my coaches, despite how EZ that is for other people to do. #howembarrassingwouldthatbe #youthinkmichaeleverlosttohiscoach

School is EZ but STONE cold awesome!

Wassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssup Juniors?!

I'm going to try to blog at y'all every week this year, instead of the like three times I did last year. That means you all better be read to get called out this year, not just Ethan, Stone, Trey, & Osborn. Anyway, to get to Ms. My Lungs Are Full Of Smog Hudson's blog prompt, I am ecstatic to get back to school, although I could have used a few more weeks to get ready for the school year (play golf). From the teacher's perspective here, my most challenging class has been the 8th graders who love to talk - think about it, there are Teagan, Harrison, Bryce, & Lacie who have such bad influences for older siblings (cough, miranda gwen ina marie, cough). Easiest class has been the 7th graders, but look at their amazing older sibling influences - Jaylyn, Makynlee, Ethan (Miranda I give Chelsea credit for Robert being an angel). Geez, Hudson asks a lot in these; I'm looking forward to ALL my classes and have the goal for my students to learn like 2, maybe 3 things this year. FINALLY, I'm looking forward to some Wildcat/Bobcat sports all year long! Good luck Gwen, Miranda, Emily, Jaylyn, Jordan (?), and any other volleyball players on Thursday night!

THE Wizard of Fahs
#peaceout
#stillhashtaggingthisyear
#stillfeelintwentytwo

P.S. Don't challenge me to creative sentences in Hudson's vocab word things. You will lose. Ask stone, ethan, & trey. #kingoftreasurewords #canttouchthis

Reading is awesome!

Well, since I'm not actually a part of your class I guess I have to create fictional (but most likely real) answers to each of these topics. Here goes:

Most Interesting Part of This Class: Reading! We all love it so much Ms. Hudson; in fact you should make us read even more! We just say we don't like it to act "kool," but I even heard Makynlee and Ina Marie say how much they love reading on the prom committee trip to look for locations. They were even secretly reading books in Hudson's car when she wasn't looking! #scholars #books #sogood #betterthanmovies #handsdown #nocontest #teamfahs
Most Boring/Useless Part of This Class: Stone Darrow. Enough said. #snooze #zzzzzzzzz
Hardest I Laughed in This Class: The time Miranda said she cooler than her way cooler, awesome, fantastic little sister Teagan. How hilarious is it that she said that?!
Favorite Memory from This Class: The time Ethan Zulz sang every single word to "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" by Kenny Chesney. We were all so impressed that he took the time to memorize every lyric and become a country music fan.
Best Thing About Hudson as a Teacher: How accurate she is shooting a bow and darrow. It's scary. I know we are all so well behaved because we're scared she'll go Katniss Everdeen on us and shoot us in the finger if we so much as have a pinky out of place.
Thing Hudson Could do to Make This Class Better For Future Classes: Be more like Mr. Fahs. Let's be honest, we're all really #teamfahs and just deny it to humor Ms. Hudson.

Any Final Comments for Hudson: Next year, make the basketball players work even harder. I'm talking have them read 5 books a day.

EZ with a sledgehammer in the library

Well, first off I am crying that this is my last blog of the 3rd quarter, I will miss my hard work and dedication to blogging this quarter. But I'm excited to keep up this dedication for the 4th quarter! So, the mystery of Ms. hudson and the missing purple pen...had to call my buddy Scooby in to help me solve this one. Before I tell you my story, didn't any of you read Hudson's directions that this is like Clue??? It should be a suspect, a weapon, and a room! #rookies #youngbloods Anyway, Scooby gave me a tip that most monsters try to disguise themselves as superheroes, and after a little investigation, I came across a video titled "Sharks on Steroids" (or something like that). After seeing Ethan's clear lack of superhero skills, it was obvious he is a villain. My only other suspect was Stone WishiwasKatnissshootingmybowand Darrow, but then I remembered he would never take anything, especially a basketball. I tracked this supervillain to the library where I found his surprise sidekick Cody Dontcallmeaginger Gray standing guard while Ethan was about to smash Hudson's pen with a sledgehammer. Knowing I only had seconds to act, I shot a net out of my net-launcher, curving it around Cody (just like on the movie Wanted on FX right meow), and capturing the evil villain Ethan. However, it was too late as he had already brought the sledgehammer down on the pen and destroying it forever. I guess Hudson will have to start using red pens like a real teacher. #getonmylevel Also, for his heinous crime, Ethan was sentenced to 2 years of hugging his dear brother Levi every night.

I'm Mr. Fahs, you stay classy English 2!